So...

…a couple of years ago I had this desktop computer, it was a terribly old machine and nothing fancy – but it was a computer that I pretty much had my whole university career’s information on, and which held countless amounts of other valuable personal documents…

Bits and pieces of information that I had collected, created and stored over the years…you guys know what I mean hey, information that recalls memories…like photos and maybe some written material and just personal info that one needs, just…stuff, you know!!

In fact, it’s funny – cause one of the pieces of information on that PC was a loose sort of journal I kept, a journal of broken conversations that I had, conversations that I had, had with God – dating as far back as 2004!!

Loose and broken, because it wasn’t quite complete records…and I mention this because when I got saved in May 2008, I found these written records the one day and I was blown away by the fact that God had indeed been working in my life way before the day I surrendered all. 

Yes, He loves us even in our very broke, ugly, unforgiving and crazy unrepentant, dirty and sinful state…HOW EVEN??...

But anyways…this is just a side note…back to the story of this prehistoric machine that contained the intricate world wide web of Ryan’s documented digital history and the story of where it all went…

So one fine day, I, Ryan Odendaal, an amateur self-taught computer technician decided to do some much needed maintenance on this old machine and I decided to do a format on the hard drive of this computer – a format, in layman’s terms is like pressing the ultimate RESET button and then having to start afresh, like installing all your software and stuff again etc., – SO…I formatted the hard-drive containing all the software programs so as to perform a fresh installation of Windows etc. to enable the machine to run faster and better…

I knew how to perform this function as I had done it so many times before…and it works, cause to perform a wipe-out and then a fresh installation means you have the power to go back to ground level and build up again, as explained.

So, on this particular day I had just finished my computer maintenance when my heart literally sank and the cold hard truth hit…the reality is that I had just wiped out the wrong partition, a partition being like a section of a hard drive…I had just wiped out the section with all my memories, all my photos, all my documents and everything that I had kept safe for so long…was now gone…poof…just like that!!

NO!! This was a mistake. This was an error. This was more than just mere negligence…it was a gross mistake, it was massive…it was hectic, this had happened and the worst part…was that I had caused it!! I had authored this loss L

But how…there is now no one else to blame, it’s just me and the reality of me having to face my huge data loss!!

No…no no no no no, no no…you don’t understand – taking the blame and the responsibility of such huge data loss is a bitter pill to swallow and so I had to devise something – a plan, a plan to make myself feel better, a plan to carry on, a plan to explain this horrible, sad, tragic event…

I know…

MY COMPUTER WAS STOLEN!!

I actually came in to agreement in my mind that it would be better to make-up and make myself believe that my computer was stolen…WHY…well, this was a better reality than…

…RYAN…YOU SINGLE HANDEDLY WIPED OUT ALL YOUR VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION…YOU!!

You are the master architect behind the loss of data that bore significance to you as it was information that was important to you…

You see, the moment that anything in your life bears importance = it has value associated to it – and when you lose something of value…your wealth diminishes…and I’m not talking about your bank balance, I mean you as a person…as a whole, when something gets taken from you that you value or you give it up…you have to face the cold hard reality of a gaping gushing wound of some sort – some wounds are bigger than others and some wounds are less intense than others…SO what was this wound??

This wound that had been created was directly linked to my ability or maybe lack of ability to carry responsibility…

WAIT…hold up, press the pause button real quick…how is the formatting of an incorrect hard-drive partition linked to ‘responsibility’…haha, I’ve now taken this creative writing way too far…

WELL, no…the fact is that in my mind I have ‘consciously’…decided to rather believe that this PC must have been stolen, must have been stolen rather than me having created this mess…

…

What is it with me…what is it with us human beings in our frail state that when the pawpaw hits the fan, that we’ll look for and even make up something or someone to blame…no no, one better…we’ll devise a scenario to explain our short comings…?

My story may be slightly comical, but it poses massive questions?!?!

So…my first question is this: where do I start and where do I end?

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So you see, the greatest confrontation in life isn’t the external fights we pick…the friends we hack off or the family that has wronged us…but the greatest truth tester and limit breaker is our internal governance – what is the thing that leads and directs you…what is your motive…really, what are your true motives and where do they stem from?

In the above passages of scripture I see that where I am today – the love that I first experienced when Christ came onto my scene never really had anything to do with me…it was Him all along…it was the fact that He loved me first, that He has always loved and because of that love…I am drawn in and I can love...WHAT??

Yes, it’s not me…I didn’t make this happen – the pursuit of me, the pursuit of this heart…this crazy complex hardened weirdo of human being was happily going along until one day I was confronted with God and because my guard was down…because my weakness was rife and on display for all to see…well at least within me…I was able to not just meet God, but I was able to climb into all that He had for me – there is an age old saying that speaks of ‘extending an olive branch’…this saying is biblical and its roots mean: an offer of peace or reconciliation, it comes from the Book of Genesis. The sign that the flood was over was an olive branch brought back to the ark by a dove.

Apparently, the offer of an olive branch would suggest that someone is tired of war, whether it be an actual war or a falling out between friends.

In Ancient Greek and Roman times, people would offer literal olive branches. In Rome defeated armies traditionally carried olive branches to indicate that they were surrendering, and the Greeks incorporated olive branches into weddings and other ceremonies as a symbol of peace.

Jesus…JESUS…is extending such an olive branch to you and I today, should we choose to come to the end of ourselves…so if you were ever wondering why it’s a good idea to celebrate your weakness – it’s like the scripture says, that’s when HE is strong and His power is made manifest and perfect in us!! J

Mmm…okay…olive branches, kief…gotta extend grace, got it…but you can’t give what you don’t possess, right…and what you don’t have you can’t give…right? Okay…settle down and quite your mind…

Second question is about Virtues…what are our virtues as a community of believers?

Virtues…huh…well these are our behavioural patterns – to be beyond reproach…this is like Christian ethics 101.

…in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:7-8

WHAT does this have to do with my emotional breakdown…caused by my computer trouble – well, it’s simple really…how is my reaction ANDam I owning my reaction – think in general now, about your life as a whole, what are our reactions like when life hands us lemons?

GUYS…we are called to be followers of Jesus Christ – He is the way, the truth and the life – so in Him, what do we see:

1.     What is our way – is it my way or the highway or is it, not my will but Yours be done Father?

2.     The truth – is my situation and my feelings more real than the God who moved Heaven and earth to reach us…what is your reality?

3.     Life – what is life and where is the clearly defined starting point – He knitted me together in my mother’s womb right…so life started even before I was born, even before I was like anything HE was getting ready to knit – He knew me before I was…because he IS. The great I Am is all He says He is and if he says His righteousness becomes ours, then you best believe it…

So let this all sink in for a moment…

…we have the ability to not be reactive but rather CREATIVE in all we do. Creative I say, as we are able to co-labour with Jesus to build towards a better outcome, an outcome of love, joy and generosity – so before you lash out in angst, look at Jesus…what is He busy with and then dare to believe that prayer is your guidance and His Word is your weapon!!

Thirdly…not quite a question, but a question of others, the question of Hurts.

I have been hurt.

I have hurt.

I hurt.

THUS…

I am disqualified.

I am not.

I am not. Answered Peter already on two different occasions…then the third:

One of the servants of the high priest, a relative of him whose ear Peter cut off, said, “Did I not see you in the garden with Him?” Peter then denied again; and immediately a rooster crowed. John 18:26-27

There it is…the ultimate disqualification…the ultimate slap in the face of Jesus. Surely, the thing that will cause Jesus…and rightfully so…to say, “I’m done with you – you two faced, back stabbing hurtful cow, leave me alone…”

Nope, we all know that this is not where the story ends, this is a mere sideshow illustrating Peter’s weak frame and ours too as fleshy beings.

Can you believe the irony of Peter denying Jesus to a relative of the Roman soldier – the solider whom Peter de-eared in a passionate defence of the one he so loved, his Jesus…the Jesus that saved him. The Jesus that accepted him. The Jesus that gave him purpose…now Jesus becomes something so external and so dispensable to Peter…like a dirty filthy rag thrown to the side, this is now who Jesus has become to Peter and I dare to ask myself…who is Jesus to me?

Cause life is tough guys and things happen. So…who is Jesus then at that crunch moment compared to who He was when life was all hunky dory?

He’s the same Jesus always and He’s always drawing us in with love and acceptance. So hurts…does this then mean that hurts become null and void, like I’m just supposed to get over them somehow…NOPE…our hurts and subsequent actions have consequences, and right so…Peter went back to what he ‘knew’, but guess who came after him…the one whom Peter had hurt, yes Jesus.

So what does that mean – it means we are empowered to extend grace and forgiveness, even when we are the ones that have every right to be low in spirit, but why? Cause it’s simple…we are called to be peacemakers…look it up in Matt 5, the first beatitude – be a peacemaker and you will be called a son of God – something of our IDENTITY is caught up in moving in the opposite spirit, try it sometime…make it a habit, you can do it…it’s who you are!!

            

Number four: Surrender...and Succumb…to King Jesus!!

Vulnerability moment alert!!

This past weekend (17 to 19 Feb 2019) I went to Keiskammahoek…guys…as much as I loved the trip…one must realize that there is a cost, there is always a cost!!

We’re inland, it’s gonna be hot – I’m in freakin dorm room – and it’s bound to be smelly and noisy. MY SLEEP!! Oh my sleep, my beloved sleep…listen, this prince needs his sleep.

I remember getting into the guys dorm and choosing a single bed close to the door, it wasn’t a bunk bed, just a single bed right…so nobody rolling around above me, okay things were looking better but then…that night I realized my lil crib had the worst mattress of all the beds in the entire dorm and I felt like a croissant lying on its side…

Oh dear…at one point I was walking to the bathroom and thought to myself, what have I done!? Back home I have a luxurious king size, extra length bed…extra length, guys I’m not even that tall to warrant an extra length bed BUT…I can spread myself out like a starfish and not even reach the sides of my glorious bed…and that’s what got me sold on this bed…right??!!

That’s when I felt the Lord remind me of two portions of scripture…

Jesus replied, “Yes, but remember this: even animals in the field have holes in the ground to sleep in and birds have their nests, but the Son of Man has no place here to lay down his head.” Luke 9:58

“This is why I tell you to never be worried about your life, for all that you need will be provided, such as food, water, clothing—everything your body needs. Isn’t there more to your life than a meal? Isn’t your body more than clothing? “Look at all the birds—do you think they worry about their existence? They don’t plant or reap or store up food, yet your heavenly Father provides them each with food. Aren’t you much more valuable to your Father than they? So, which one of you by worrying could add anything to your life? Matt 6:25-27

The first scripture speaks of the cost of following Jesus…you’ll notice that certainties aren’t too high up on the list and second is the command to not worry.

So, question time: who of you are totally down with not knowing what tomorrow holds and that fact, just does not bother you?

Guys…do you see that this is what Jesus is talking about – a life spent following Jesus is doing just that and being satisfied with Him.

Remember my PC story – so, I lost all my memories, right…So??

I lost interactions between me and God, surely these are NB, So…

I lost stuff that I placed uber importance on, So…

The actual conclusion to point 4, is this: Surrender...and Succumb...to healing and inner peace – you gotta learn to be lekker with the unknown and in that, find peace – Jesus is the prince of peace, so seek Him first!!

Then my last point, point number 5: forgiveness is always gonna cost you!!

John’s disciples told him about all these things. Calling two of them, he sent them to the Lord to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” Luke 7:18-19

I’m sorry, what?! Someone sounds a bit up tight having been thrown into jail…or what’s going on here??

The commentary in my study bible says that John was confused cause the reports of Jesus were incomplete – in fact in response to John’s disciples, Jesus just gave a report of the outbreak of healings, giving testimony I suppose…Jesus didn’t become rude and short with them, he started sharing with them, that which John would expect to hear of the Messiah, you see, it’s only as you face your doubts honestly, that you can begin to resolve them and the resolve usually starts with forgiveness.

Like the parable of the man who is forgiven his debt and then straight after condemns a man that owes him a little bit of money – so it’s going to be for us – because you have been forgiven, therefore forgive because if you don’t, you will be judged by your own measure and man, you don’t want that.

SO…this wraps up my blog on the title ‘So…’, let us take up our authority and forgive for both self and for those around us, amen.

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